If I think back on the times it didn’t work out, I realise I’ve always been second best. James’s favourite to text while his long distance girlfriend was gone. Brendon was all best friends straddling the line of what was appropriate behaviour and what was lunacy in between girlfriends. Kai was all guitars and warm hands and music love making while I would sing sweet delicious unrequited love songs while he forgot I existed when I wasn’t needed for a gig. Giacomo was the Italian who was running away, unsure of what to do with his heart when someone ripped it from his chest but found a place to put it temporarily when we skated and ran around barefoot on the beach in between surf sessions our fingers entwined almost as tightly as our legs. Jordan was the one who wanted me to fall but when I was ready to let myself didn’t really know what he was supposed to do with his hands despite being a cricket wicket keeper, and instead of being ready to catch me grabbed back for the past.