Lonely. a journal entry

by remembertoexhale

I just spent my whole night getting lost, and not even the good kind of lost. It started that a friend was playing a gig at a bar I had never been to before. I was super keen to go at first but as I went through texting and texting and texting for people to go with me no one could go and my enthusiasm started to wane and feelings of loneliness set in I usually trust my gut and have a good instinct for this kind of thing and try to push it away, but tonight was off my game. Actually the entire day I have been off my game, but thats besides the point. I found myself in Eunos on a street with a very similar name, but no bar. The thing about going out by yourself when you are alone or feeling lonely, is that instead of it being something enjoyable or reflective, it becomes one of those nights where you feel more lonely than ever and feel like the entire world is cut off from you. What sucked was that the very reason I was going out in the first place was to not sit at home alone and I ended up being alone for hours. It was the biggest waste of time and I didn’t even get to my destination before I had to turn around and go home because I had class the next day. I hate feeling lonely. It sucks. maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself or maybe I just hate myself or maybe I just need to have someone to share my time with. I guess what I learnt tonight is that being lonely doesn’t mean you don’t know yourself or you’re weak. It just means that you can’t always be by yourself. I guess I have become a pretty self assured self-sufficient person, but sometimes that makes me feel like I don’t need anyone, but i guess I proved myself wrong because here I am sitting on my bedroom floor talking about how lonely I feel and how I don’t want to feel this way anymore.