these last few weeks have been so rough and I am barely coping, keeping up and today I was struggling to submit an assignment and a friend saw me and described me as “some poor girl trembling so hard she cannot even push print” so she pushed me aside and did it for me. If it weren’t for her I probably would have a non submission right now.. not that my submission was complete anyway but whatever. I guess I don’t know where else to put this or who to talk to that will even care or understand but I am struggling so hard. I don’t even know. jut one more submission until the holidays. This is the hardest its ever been for me and I feel so lonely and afraid that I fail the year and I feel like I have been pushing and forcing myself forward for years and years without a rest or a chance to really think about what I want. This is totally not the right time for it to all culminate but I guess here it is and here I am and ah, no one sees or cares at all and I don’t know if I have any grit left to pull myself out.