On second best
It hurts to want something you can’t have. It hurts when you have tried so many times to strive for what you want, but you never quite get there. What you want becomes metaphysics and what is urgent is here and now and so you better start investing in your present because the future is far away. It hurts when you have been forced to give in time and time again, always feeling like you’re getting second best. What hurts more is when you realize that you keep allowing second best to happen and you can’t change it. What hurts even more than that is when you begin to only expect second best. What hurts the worst is when you treat yourself as only deserving second best. Life is here and now, but life was also then and there and life will be ahead and around the corner too. Just getting by on good bits here and there is not the way to do life. It is tiring, feeling like you’re always running uphill, finally reaching the top only to discover that there is another hill that lays just beyond it. Hills are fun to run up, but they are only fun with a sense of accomplishment, and a false sense of accomplishment is never, ever fun. When there are only two people you have really cared about and you’re one’s second best, and others passing thought it makes you want to stop everything and restart wondering how you got there. As a kid in races, second was really good, not exactly what I wanted, but good, but now as I get older I’m starting to realize as was revealed to me by a certain someone; second place is the first loser.