by remembertoexhale

When the fingers of your thoughts start to claw
I hope they come alive and scratch all the way down your back in bright red stripes
My coping mechanisms include
boys, alcohol and running
I think if the boys were changed to “girls”
Anyone who read this would think I was a man
but then again, that’s still very possible because being gay is trending right now
I watch the numbers on the twenty- four hour clock
light up in white 23:00
Why do they call it a twenty-four hour clock when it never ever hits twenty four?
Almost reaching, but never quite there
last night I drank too much vodka and it was mixed with green tea
it tasted like medicine
standing on the bridge drinking blueberry vodka and green tea
I got four bruises and a bloody shin and I don’t even remember getting two of them
all I know is that last night
when I got said bruises and bloody shin
I wasn’t thinking about you
I woke up and smiled this morning
I have never been one for popping headache pills
it always feels a bit dubious
In all my life one thing that there has always been in our house are
tissues, their presence have been unprecedented and unparalleled
the last run I came home and wanted to cry
tonight when I ran the endorphins kicked in and I was smiling from ear to ear
those hormones are unreliable, unlike my mother’s tissues
which I rarely remember are sitting on my shelf
I guess what I am getting at is that
I may not be the kind of girl that sits around crying over someone
but I am the kind that pops some pills of my own kind