Distance

by remembertoexhale

I used to be the sentimental type, when someone was leaving I would soak up every moment I had with them. I would set out to make the kind of memories you store in boxes, open the dusty lids and relive them every couple of years, remembering how much the people in the yellowed pictures with curled edges mean to you. The friends you keep in touch with, the people you remember, for the rest of your life. but let me tell you something they don’t tell you; they don’t tell you, that when you board that plane you aren’t only leaving behind friends and family, you’re leaving yourself behind too, because you’ll never be the person you were right there and then anymore. I used to be the sentimental type. I believed in always replying to messages, always telling people that I missed them. They say that if you both make enough effort anyone can overcome long distance relationships. But I do not have enough time in the day or space in my heart to keep missing people, to keep telling them that I can’t wait to see them because my heart is only as big as my fist and admittedly my fist can pack quite the punch but if I keep punching out love all I’ll have are broken knuckles and a bruised heart. Distance does more than separate people. It changes them because they realize that having an anchor elsewhere only drags you down. Fuck distance. Fuck distance and what it has done to me; turning me into someone who can’t even say “I’ll miss you” because I know that I have already been practicing for life without them. Fuck distance for telling me that I need to never hold on to anyone. Fuck distance for making it easy for me to push people away. Fuck distance for never letting me get attached. And fuck distance for always taking people away from me.

Distance doesn’t even grant you the decent courtesy of being around to lose someone. It makes you pack in a black suit to anticipate loss.

Don’t believe them when they say “a little bit of distance is good”, because the truth is, distance will slowly make its way through your being and untie your heart strings with all the playfulness of a naughty child untying their friends shoelaces.

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