Remember to Exhale

find some release

I had been drowning so long I only realised that I was dying when I woke up and my whole body refused to co-operate. There is nothing like you, there is nothing like your perfect grace and your perfect peace and your perfect will and I only want you and I don’t want to wade around without you I just want you and I don’t care about anything else because you hold my life in your hands, you are the very air I breathe and you told me to “Be strong and of good courage” because you were always there always always there even when I left and didn’t care and I feel peace because I know this I knew it I have always known it I just needed time to come back to you. I am so done with cheap selfish versions of your love that is immeasurable.

A love letter

Dearest love of mine,

It has come to my attention that no matter how deeply I love you for any amount of time, you will never feel the same way. I will not ask questions such as “why” or “what is wrong with me”. I have come to the rather sad conclusion that perhaps you were my “one” but I wasn’t your “one”.

I would like nothing more than to be the comfort in your sadness, the reason you smile, the hand you always reach for, the sweetest kiss you long for day and night. I would like nothing more than for you to be in all of my tomorrows, the safe place in my darkest of nights and the last hand I’ll ever hold.

It is a curious thing that when I am with you I feel as if the whole world is right and I wish it would last forever. Sometimes I can’t look you in the eye because I am afraid you will see how pathetically in love with you I am, and following that I will lose you altogether; of which I am terribly afraid of.

So I have decided to take action of my own and start erasing you from my life. I needn’t explain why, you probably will not notice anyway, but know that I have loved you in secret and if you were Helen of Troy I would’ve started that war for you. With that I bid you goodbye, in the hope that someday I find one that might love me fiercely too.

Yours in love

Haiku #151

Keep on walking tall
the way you started please it
helps me carry on

haiku #150

The same way that I
loved you when I met you
is how it will end

haiku #149

Remember the ash
that you rose from so very
beautifully then

haiku #148

The same way the wind
blows so hard at your back is
how I will help you

I am so in love with you


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