Remember to Exhale

find some release

A love letter

Dearest love of mine,

It has come to my attention that no matter how deeply I love you for any amount of time, you will never feel the same way. I will not ask questions such as “why” or “what is wrong with me”. I have come to the rather sad conclusion that perhaps you were my “one” but I wasn’t your “one”.

I would like nothing more than to be the comfort in your sadness, the reason you smile, the hand you always reach for, the sweetest kiss you long for day and night. I would like nothing more than for you to be in all of my tomorrows, the safe place in my darkest of nights and the last hand I’ll ever hold.

It is a curious thing that when I am with you I feel as if the whole world is right and I wish it would last forever. Sometimes I can’t look you in the eye because I am afraid you will see how pathetically in love with you I am, and following that I will lose you altogether; of which I am terribly afraid of.

So I have decided to take action of my own and start erasing you from my life. I needn’t explain why, you probably will not notice anyway, but know that I have loved you in secret and if you were Helen of Troy I would’ve started that war for you. With that I bid you goodbye, in the hope that someday I find one that might love me fiercely too.

Yours in love

Haiku #151

Keep on walking tall
the way you started please it
helps me carry on

haiku #150

The same way that I
loved you when I met you
is how it will end

haiku #149

Remember the ash
that you rose from so very
beautifully then

haiku #148

The same way the wind
blows so hard at your back is
how I will help you

I am so in love with you

If I think back on the times it didn’t work out, I realise I’ve always been second best. James’s favourite to text while his long distance girlfriend was gone. Brendon was all best friends straddling the line of what was appropriate behaviour and what was lunacy in between girlfriends. Kai was all guitars and warm hands and music love making while I would sing sweet delicious unrequited love songs while he forgot I existed when I wasn’t needed for a gig. Giacomo was the Italian who was running away, unsure of what to do with his heart when someone ripped it from his chest but found a place to put it temporarily when we skated and ran around barefoot on the beach in between surf sessions our fingers entwined almost as tightly as our legs. Jordan was the one who wanted me to fall but when I was ready to let myself didn’t really know what he was supposed to do with his hands despite being a cricket wicket keeper, and instead of being ready to catch me grabbed back for the past.


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