Remember to Exhale

find some release

I think that being the daughter of a minister must really mess up that kids views on life in general. It must make them scared of doing anything for fear of parental and God disapproval and eternal damnation. Actually also just general opinions from everyone as well because everyone knows who they are. I wonder if they ever find balance, and if the constant struggle within them ever stills itself. Their search for true “freedom” must be extremely confusing.

haiku#143

Some songs just make my
insides start to cry but today
every song does it

pieces#3

Kissed lips, held hands, stroked hair, rubbed backs. Hands fingers, toes, cheeks, noses eyebrows, lips, chins, tongue on tongue, skin on skin. And I can’t tell if I am being fixed or destroyed.

See the World (because i have nowhere else to write this)

I want to leave everything behind, get my pentax fixed, dye my hair lavender and travel and just work and travel and make music and art and learn to make clothes and now would be the time to do this, the perfect time, but I have responsibilities to adhere to. but I am trusting that I will be able to, that I will be released from this bond, and that I can go and just become. Searching for freedom. hoping it will find me. This is the reason why I can’t breathe, the reason why I have been drifting off only to wake up trying to ward off the occasional panic attack. This is the reason why I always have to be doing something. I don’t want anyone lording over me anymore. I need to get out and discover the world.

“It’s impossible,” said pride.

“It’s risky,” said experience.

“It’s pointless,” said reason.

“Give it a try,” whispered the heart.

-Author unknown

Kisses Goodbye

I would love it if you called, if you skyped, if you texted or showed the hint of actually in fact yes you do miss me, remember me, wish I was there sometimes. You were scared I would forget you, because I usually am okay with having to do that. But the truth is, I will always remember you, and I was just a blip somewhere on your road of escape and excitement. I hope you discover what it is that you want in life, find something that makes you feel alive and hold onto it with everything, but at least leave room for someone to love you, someone with whom you can share the things that hide behind your eyes. You meant more to me than you knew, and even though I may never ever see you again, you at least put the desire to make myself really go after what I want and make it happen. I hope that you don’t toss around too long, because some dreams do expire, and resourcefulness can only on get you so far. I wish all the best for you, and I hope that you fully become the great, successful respected man I see already.
So for my sake, goodbye,
and kisses

pieces#2

The light falls through slats of the blinds and I watch the way it illuminates the plains of your face.Your breathing soft, and peaceful, you stir and find my hand with your cheek, and even though I’m being watched by your room-mate, I can’t stifle the smile that creeps upon my lips and wonder how I got so lucky.

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